10.30
When I finish writing my will, I’m going to begin on another secret will. In this one, I will outline to my best friend (who will know who they are) exactly where all my porn is, and anything that I need them to dispose of immediately. I will also tell them every deep secret and things that need to covering up before the shock of my death has worn off. That way, they will have ample time to lie about or fix anything I did wrong before anyone gets mad at me. Most importantly however, they will wipe my browser history and delete my porn, or keep it. And don’t forget about the magazines in the closet. No, I don’t use them. I just have found it exceedingly inconvenient to try to sneak them into the garbage for the past 10 years.
I think this should be the standard for best friends in the event of someone’s death, and will be a great honor. I promise now and forever, not to judge a dead friend for any weird fetish they had, or any creepy self-taken nude pictures left behind.
In conclusion, if I name you in my secret will at any point, you will be held responsible and accountable for the affairs of my estate to be taken care of. Be honored. And don’t forget the magazines.