2010
03.26
In severe cases of frostbite a body part that has frozen can cause the heart to stop when it thaws. The first time I saw snow, we pulled over, even though it was a dangerous place to stop on the mountain, because you spotted the first drift. We raced, my heartbeat muffled through awkward layers of snow gear. I moved like a fat child and you caught me. We tumbled into the bank but it wasn’t like a cloud. I sank, your weight not repulsive yet, and scooped up a pile of the grey sludge. I swallowed. The snowflakes weren’t magical or unique. Your frozen lips on my throat slowed my pulse and my smile splintered as the grime spread through my veins until the winter reached my heart. It wasn’t until we got home that it thawed and it was years before you noticed it had stopped.
2010
03.25
much of this doesn’t exist anymore,
the ammunition to keep that pen firing,
such a place where you could buy powder
for 15 cents to kill someone
and then your nose,
is now bulldozed, replaced with
a new building called Little Paris,
don’t know what touristy
shit they sell… but they say
his name echoes up from the ground,
but
every time I buy some food
at Zankou Chicken,
I have to drive by Buk’s old
apartment a block away.
too bad he moved to San Pedro.
what a waste. to be from
the whores, pimps, drugs and bars,
but I guess even guys like him
want a nice place by the sea
when they get old.
2010
03.23
Stomach cramps that would render some useless
A cigarette would suffice for a few minutes
Vicodin always lasts longer
Both would be best
Tests have been done:
Not enough iron.
Blood has been spilt:
Missing an enzyme.
Psychosomatic: made up
Pulled from a dream
While I am standing up
Straight and laughing, my abdomen tears
And they say I’m making it up
I’m dying, can’t you see?
Life leaks out every time
I swallow another pill
Find me a doctor
Who cares enough
To listen to the truth
And not come up empty
I’ll die from this
One night out with friends
There will be
One last hospital trip
Leave it to death
The great equalizer
Some transverse slides
Should give us the answer
2010
03.22
Beautiful girls
smoking cigarettes as an afterthought –
a beautiful hand
hanging out the window
of an unwashed car,
inspiring tragedy and
long-winded suicide notes.
Hair hanging wearily
around a beatnik smile,
and the radio turned way up loud.
Beautiful distraction,
a deep breath beautifully drawn –
rolling her stockings down
one leg at a time
because the AC’s busted
and it’s hot as all hell
and what difference
does it make, anyway?
And tonight
all of this will be
taken for granted
and summer will pass quietly
into fall again
and she will stand in the window
barefoot in a flowered dress,
watching cars run the stop sign
at the corner and crying
without anyone noticing.
Some of us
we like to sit on benches downtown
while the Friday afternoon traffic clears,
when the drunks hit the liquor stores
and the tourists come out of their hotels
on lazy legs –
we like to watch the lights change
and imagine ourselves as other people
living other lives more glorious
that never face the bloodless shadows
and have never witnessed
the crashing stars.
And in the end
it’s beautiful hands
and beautiful dreamers
dreaming themselves into oblivion,
eyes and souls and the way it feels
in the places that you can’t find,
the places that you stumble into
on late summer afternoons
and can never find your way back
until it touches you like magic
and lifts you to the heavens
almost unwillingly.
2010
03.20
Like a balm
your voice
soothes.
Sweet,
sonorous sounds
seep into
abandoned
cracks and crevices,
filling them
with harmony.
Its warmth,
melodic.
Its sound,
mesmerizing.
Its tone,
overpowering,
sending me
into sweet oblivion.
…….I surrender