But if we stop drinking coffee… What will that do to the environment? Suddenly, Starbucks is precariously perched on the brink of bankruptcy… Hundreds of thousands of workers are faced with losing their jobs. Tens of thousands of Brazilian coffee bean field workers will riot in the streets because they will no longer be making 4 pesos a day. The chaos in Brazil will undoubtedly spark wild fires that will burn large portions of the Amazonian Rain Forests!
Viva La Revolution!!!
Without these rain forests, CO2 will sky rocket and suddenly global warming is no longer an Al Gore Revival meeting, but the real deal. Ice caps melt, New York is flooded, California is gone, the markets collapse, the country is purchased for 4 dollars and some canned peas, every American learns Chinese within the year. Americans revolt and one crazed military official pushes “the button” rather than live under oppressive, foreign rule. I mean, we are AMERICANS, right? We should be doing the oppressive foreign ruling. And then, BAM. Nuclear winter…
We need to save the world and go to Starbucks.
Because we don’t want the nuclear winter. I mean… I know I am busy and all but I think I can take 5 minutes out of my day to buy a mocha. To save the world.
And maybe we’ll get our names on a plaque.