amphibi.us

looking at a woman condemned in the hospital bed
my mother is a fragile carcass of bones and skin
like distressed leather
i try to see the dignity of having lived her life her own way
smoking herself into the hole
there is still pride in those eyes
fear and pain as well
i don’t think dignity gets to play here at the end

looking at a woman condemned
i listen to the minutia
the details that now construct her present
a tray of food with sub-par sustenance
a night nurse who withholds pain medication
a young surgeon who probably drives a Mercedes
obtuse patterns on the carpet
mis-matched curtains
sanitized courteous patronizing smiles

when your mother is dying before you
(when anyone is)
there is nothing left to weave for anybody
what you know is lucid and true: you are looking at a condemned soul
what you do is bide your time
her time
by examining the simple details
through a magnifying glass
and the next day when you come to visit
and you see the wreath the hospital has placed on her door
you know that probably nothing will have changed
outside the building
the trash is still being picked up on Tuesdays
the team of RNs is still out back smoking stogeys
people are getting mugged shat upon cut down by cars
nothing will have changed
outside her room

© Alex M. Pruteanu, 2010

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