amphibi.us » »Paul Harrison

after our last session

Shannon Peil — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 15:54:06 +0000

i thought i’d drink to
the pros and cons of alcohol
but mostly the cons
and while i’m at it
here’s to me looking all tired and drawn
outside in the waiting room
just like you said
and here’s to all the other hostages of death
i sat with older than the National Geographics
we flicked through
and why not
here’s to my brand new sneakers
a dollar a week to keep out the rain
and before i forget
here’s to the quality
or lack thereof of this my one and only life
watching you count out ‘the good’
across a delicate, manicured hand
(and still you held your pen
my how we laughed !)
and here’s to abstinence
and ‘curious observing’
now chain smoking alone and opening one more
and here’s to Buk
and ten thousand suicides every night
each day a new beginning
and here’s to Richard Yates
disturbing the peace
or Hans Fallada and Robert Walser
and here’s to name dropping writers
after all reading was one of my only pleasures
and here’s to the ‘Beast’ or the Void
within, without and waiting
and here’s to Schopenhauer
and the interest we all pay Death in sleep
and here’s to affliction and pain
an expiation for the crime of birth
and yea
here’s to fucking psychs like you
with your latest empirical theories
and comfortable practice
and finally
here’s to why i rarely make it
past the third or fourth session
wasting at least three good drunks
for an hour of platitudes and mind games
non judgemental of course
anyway here’s to the drink
and the dumb, brute will to go on
i hear my children laughing
thirty miles ago

© Paul Harrison, 2010

[others]

in black and white (vietnam inc.)

Shannon Peil — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 16:59:19 +0000

it’s been 40 yrs since
philip jones griffiths
shot the peeling
napalm head because
the boy had asked him to
(even when he couldn’t)
because he prayed
for a nuremberg trial
but now
nixon and griffiths are dead
and only the other
ever gets tried
for crimes against humanity
and that image of agony
would never be published
but perhaps you’ve seen
the charred, tagged limb
touch the shrouded head
or his metaphoric
brothel scene
a rape
our leaders
still call freedom
vietnam never ended
only the names get changed

© Paul Harrison, 2010

[others]

doll

Shannon Peil — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 02:20:12 +0000

so it’s 2 am
& i’m all
washed up
feeling sad
and drunk
-what’s new
& this guy
says, here
go get yrself
a lap dance
& of course
i do
the girl
so stunning
i cant even
remember her face
& she takes
my hand
& off we go
& a few minutes
later she says
you know doll
you’re not
supposed
to touch
& i smile
& say
i’m sorry
i didn’t know
but really
i knew
exactly
& all along
what went down
& what it was
i did to her
& you

[others]

i thought it was a fucking kids flic

Shannon Peil — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 18:16:13 +0000

okay
i admit
i held it together
just long enough
to walk out the theatre
and into the sunlight
then wept like a child
and try explaining
that to a seven year old
struggling with whether
everything on the island
really happened
which of course
it did
and i never really got the book
thirty years ago
but now
having spent at least twenty of them
wishing things were different
i do
still wishing that people
didn’t leave
or fight so much
or hurt so much
that things like sadness
and loneliness
were only words
and i got to say
that movie
about the wild things
was a wrenching experience
that even though i’ve always known
and felt that way
i thought i was healing
and later at the pool
when my daughter told me
how sometimes on her lilo
she liked to imagine
herself an explorer
floating down the amazon
and i was pretending to be
a shoal of frenzied piranhas
a hungry anaconda
an ancient croc and rapids
i knew that the little max in me
and all the monsters left behind
never went far away